Three weeks post-surgery.   I think I prepared myself for this to be difficult, but I expected it to be a bit easier in a lot of ways too.  I thought the pain would be more tolerable and the emotion would be the challenge – I got that backwards.  My mood and disposition can vary greatly day to day.  I am trying my best to be pleasant and overall I think all things considered I’m doing pretty well. But let’s face it, I’m going to be irritable.  I am ok with the aesthetic changes and the fears about just the word CANCER.  I am not hopeless, depressed, or anxious...well, maybe occasionally.  Pain-wise however, I am in a good amount of pervasive discomfort. I thought I had a pretty high pain threshold, and I still think I do, but my patience is being tried.  I can deal with it, but I occasionally break down.

Recently my skin has become excruciatingly sensitive.  You know how bad sunburn makes just breeze, clothing or touch painful?  Well, that’s how I can best describe it, but without the sunburn.  Apparently it’s hyper sensitivity likely due to nerve damage and repair, but it’s becoming pretty annoying.  I also notice that drinking cold liquids feels weird; I can feel the cold sensation on the inside of my chest.  I have read others’ blogs and this seems pretty common.  Many report that the sensitivity is due to the cauterization during surgery – in essence you have a large internal burn.  Makes sense I guess!  My doc upped my dose of Gabapentin which is to address the nerve issue so hope that helps. I’m not usually a wimp, but this gets old!

On a positive note - I got my last drains out on Tuesday! What a relief not to have to carry around those creepy, fluid- filled grenades. I cut back on the pain meds so I can resume operating heavy machinery and thinking clearly.  I got out and about this week which was nice. Went to a class, volunteered at a Frostburg event, and even got some sunshine outside with the kids. Felt great to put on some make-up and socialize! Tired of being sedentary and ready get myself in gear again.

One more update which is really a non-update.  I spoke to my doc after “tumor review” and she basically had no more info for me.  One thing that was strange was that the result of my HER2 was reported as negative (good) on my initial pathology, however surgical pathology was different so they will test that for a third time. Not sure why it would change – human error perhaps??   My initial biopsy was tested near New Year’s Day – maybe the tech was “compromised”.  The significance of the difference is that a positive HER2 would result in a different medication regimen.  AND Oncotype DX is still not back.  So still no closer to an answer about chemo. Bummer. That’s really the last piece I’m wondering about. She assures me she’ll let me know as soon as those tests are back. The Onco DX is not tested in the hospital lab but is sent away to California. She said to plan for another week or two. Ugh.  I have been passed along to the medical oncologist and physical therapist so I hope to meet with them both soon. I will continue to wait for all info with which they will make final decision/recommendations and of course, will post updates when I have some!

Love to All,

D