Well… the results are in.  Chemo it is.  Why mince words? 

I got a 20 on my Oncotype DX.  It’s considered the low end of intermediate. My oncologist said the magic number to hope for was an 18 or less so when I heard 20 I guess I kind of got a little nauseous. Low end of intermediate. WTH? How about a 2 or a 30 - some definitive really low or really high number so the decision would be a no brainer. Not some crappy low, intermediate!  So, what does the number mean?  Without chemo, statistics suggest there is a 13% chance that cancer would return within 10 years -- and we're talking distant recurrence... to another organ.  I have essentially no chance of local recurrence as there is no breast tissue to invade (hence no radiation). The use of chemo would be to address any remaining cancer cells that could potentially be in my body, lying in wait, ready to camp out somewhere else. This time in the brain, lungs, bones...wherever; and that is the potentially life threatening kind.  So if you knew there were a 13% chance that your own personal crazy, Jason Voorhees would return to your camp site wouldn't you want to do everything possible to make sure you KNEW you put that stake through his heart for good? Well sure, I wouldn't go camping ever again either, but let's say for the sake of argument that you HAD to go camping...you had to LIVE at the campground. You'd want to reduce the chance of seeing that hockey masked freak by any amount.  (Why not make Friday the 13th references? I'm all about the visual aids. Call me the Dr. Oz of bloggers)  By choosing to take chemo I essentially reduce my risk of distant recurrence to about 3%. A 10% drop is pretty significant in my opinion, thus I have decided to go for it. My oncologist shared with all sincerity that if I were her sister, daughter, or friend this would be her recommendation. I have one opportunity to reduce my long term chances of recurrence and I will take whatever aggressive measures I need to take to kick cancer’s ass.  I plan to be around for another few decades and if this is a temporary situation to long happily ever after then I gotta do what I gotta do.

Now the hair thing is an issue in and of itself.

I am the short one with the curly hair.  Always have been; it's my identity.  Go ahead, try to describe me without using the words short or curly (or some synonyms thereof). Impossible. It's taken me a long time to befriend my hair and now I face the possibility of losing it. As a teen, rainy days and walking to the bus stop gave me temporary clinical depression. A comb can turn me into Diana Ross - not so glamorous for me. Then there’s the issue of twirling!  I have twirled my hair since kindergarten. It is my comfort, my blankie, my stress reliever. Finally, call me vain, but losing hair is harder to conceal. A bald head on a woman?  That just glares illness. No one has to know that I've lost breasts. Scarves, big sweaters...clothing conceals it.  I don't want those tilted head, wide eyed, pouty mouthed, awwwww stares and, “Oh she must have....” .whispers.  It’s not a guarantee, side effects vary but about 80% of women lose most to all of their hair. Crap.

Details:  I will have 4 rounds of chemotherapy which will include Taxotere and Cytoxan.  I will go for appointments every 21 days. The drugs will be administered intravenously and will take about 3- 4 hours.  Nurses will monitor closely for reactions or allergies.  Side effects include tiredness, nausea, decreased white blood cell count and compromised immune system.  I will stay in school as much as I am able. There will be more details and implications as this all relates to my placement and graduation, but again, I will do what I can do go get through. I will start this Thursday; I’m already delayed because of the wait for tests. I’ve been hoping for the best but preparing for this possibility so I am as ready as I can be.

That’s about all I have to share for now.  Still so much to process and digest. I just wanted to share the news and keep all of my concerned friends and family in the loop. Still staying optimistic and in good spirits.  Keep those thoughts and prayers coming J