So this is how my "journey" begins.... and for anyone who knows me, you know how much I hate the word "journey" in any context other than a literal expedition that leads to a destination.  But in the effort of embracing cheezy metaphor and keeping a sense of humor... here goes.

I stopped into the elementary school where I had been doing my first practicum for my masters in teaching. I finished my placement the week prior,but I had to come in the following week for a group that I was co-facilitating.  My mentor teacher informed me that a staff member had just been informed of her diagnosis of breast cancer that day and what a shock it was to the school.  I remember being shocked and sad for her -- she is so young!

12/23 Monday.  I noticed a lump in my left breast while showering. Hmm that's weird. I swear the conversation that I had the previous week made me more alert, aware, concerned... all of the above.  I called my dear friend and neighbor, Abby who has been a survivor for four years.  She had a lump and a mastectomy and has been cancer free since then.  "Hey, I need you to feel my boob.  I found a lump and I want to know what you think." She was still in bed and told me to come on over and she would cop a feel.  I trotted across the street, cuddled next to her in bed - awkward, maybe but that's how our friendship goes. Fortunately her husband was up and about by then!  She felt it and said, "yeah, you should probably have that looked at."  My heart kind of sunk, but I actually agreed rather than ignore it like I typically would. This just felt different.

Later that day I called my doc.  Yes, I was so curious I called two days before Christmas.  Maybe I just knew. They agreed to see me the next day, Christmas eve even though they were closing at noon.  My mother would be arriving later that day to stay for Christmas.  I would just let her know that I had a doctor appointment the next day.

12/24  Saw my doc who is wonderful.  Apparently she was concerned too.  She called to get me in to the women's breast center ASAP. She pointed out "dimpling" in my skin that I hadn't noticed. I get out of the shower without glasses  AND who actually looks at their own boobs after age 35??? The office was closed on Christmas of course, but could see me on Friday.

12/27 Friday.  Appt at Breast center. Rustin came along. First a mammo then waiting. Next ultrasound, then more waiting. I was shuffled between two rooms to get a better image.  "Sometimes the equipment doesn't cooperate" is what the tech said.  She couldn't get a clear image.  After taking about 15 images I waited some more.  Then the radiologist came in to do it herself.  More images and then back to the waiting room.

"Mrs. Riss? Why don't you get dressed and then you can speak with the radiologist. Would you like me to get your husband from the waiting room?"  Ummmmm  do you neeeeeed to??  was my first thought.  "Um, that would be great. Thank you." I replied as I choked back the fear.

Radiologist's office.  "Well..it's not a cyst.  That would be clear. I just can't get a great image.  Let's send you for a biopsy."  Despite a two week anticipated wait, they could squeeze me in on Monday.  Hmmm... That's fortunate.

Monday 12/30.  Biopsy with Dr. Murthy. I remember reading a description that a tumor had the consistency of a raw carrot.  Dr. Murthy commented on how hard the mass was and how "stubborn" it was to penetrate. Are carrots stubborn?

Waiting for labs.. grrr  labs closed for holiday.
Happy New Year - fun celebration with friends!  Back to school on 1/2

1/2 - Thursday.  Back in class.  New professor.  Waiting for THE call.  It came during lunch break.  Having a lovely chat with friend, Sara (bless her heart) when I got the news.  "Mrs. Riss.  Hi it's Dr. Murthy.... blah, blah blah.... It's called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma."  WTF?  F***ing cancer.  Really? Carcinoma --cancer. Your'e serious. Of course I turn into mush... poor Sara.  What a patient soul. I told her the result. She carefully packed my remaining lunch, gave me a big hug and a handful of tissues. I called Rustin. This is surreal. I briefly spoke to my professor and went home.

Made calls.  Mom, a few besties, and that was it. Wrapping my head around this. Kids home from school soon. How in  the crap do you share this with your kids?

Spoke with Nurse Navigator, Tara who I think I will be speaking with often.  Made appointment with breast surgeon tomorrow. Wow... this is so fast.

1/3  Appt with Dr. Bellavance.  She explained diagnosis in detail and recommendations.  Still waiting for two lab results.  Preliminary staging is stage 1. Good news.  Surgery for sure....maybe radiation, maybe chemo... won't know until after surgery.  She wants to do surgery by end of January.

1/6  Second opinion. Very similar explanation and recommendations.  Reassuring. Made the decision to go with Dr Bellavance.

1/9 Thursday.  At this point still waiting on Labs for 2 more tests HER2 and Ki67. Will do BRCA (Angelina Jolie) test.  contemplating mastectomy, possibly double.  MRI scheduled for tomorrow. Also pre-op stuff- bloodwork, EKG, chest  x-ray.  Still pretty surreal.

Challenge will be finishing this damn MA program. Timing pretty much sucks. Really??  I needed this on my plate right now????  People ask how I'm doing.  I'm really OK.  Crapload of emotions.  I'm mostly just mad right at this point. I'm sure that will change!  Professors at school are being incredibly supportive and kind. Family and friends have been amazing.  I LOVE the calls, emails, texts... time consuming, but wonderful and inspiring.  So fortunate to have so many people who care.  I will try my best to keep up on this if you're interested.

LOVE to all!!!