1/22

Delay of game. Yesterday’s appointments were a no-go because of weather. I made it to Frederick to meet my dear friend Chrisa who kindly agreed to come to my appointment with me, but then turned around to come home because the roads were horrible!  Plus, traffic home from Baltimore would have been a nightmare later in the afternoon. So a wasted day, and a half a tank of gas later…  Do-over today.  Saw the plastic surgeon, Dr. Bluebond.  For those keeping track - gown open in front, and two more on the who’s seen my boobs list.  She is a graduate of Johns Hopkins and has a fantastic reputation.  She reviewed my options for removal and reconstruction. I have a few options to consider. One was even the tummy tuck and DIEP flap--where she would remove tissue from the lower tummy and relocate it to the breast. (oohhh a tummy tuck too ???) In reality, the additional scars and discomfort are just not for me. I think the Frankenstein outcome is just too much.  I will likely stick with the bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. After surgery I will be left with tissue expanders that will be inflated with saline slowly over a period of several months and then replaced with implants later on. Sorry, this may be TMI but if you’re here reading I suppose you’re interested...because of the location of my tumor, nipple conserving surgery is not an option.  Again, the aesthetic outcome is a concern and fear, but I will do what is necessary to reduce any chances of recurrence.  And a talented tattoo artist can recreate what has been removed if you know what I mean.

As far as post-surgery treatment, I have to wait for final analysis and labs after removal of the tissue before I really know what will be recommended.  I have not yet met with an oncologist, and the reason is that s/he can really not make any decisions or recommendations until those tissues are analyzed.  The final results can take a few weeks after surgery.  We’ll be waiting for clear margins (no evidence of cancer cells in surrounding tissue) and clear lymph nodes.  We will share results and decisions as soon as we know them.

So, no more doc appointments until the big day!  We are having some friends over to visit and blow off some steam on Friday. So many amazing friends have offered to stop by to have some laughs or share a drink, we figured it would be a good excuse to have a get-together.  I’m reeeealy looking forward to that!

I can see the activity on my blog stats, I am truly touched that so many are reading and finding value in my rants. I read every comment, text, email and FB inbox message and I appreciate them ALL.  Communicating with concerned family and friends, maintaining a happy household, and keeping up with school amidst my flighty, distractible emotional state, and borderline obsessive internet searches is time consuming to say the least.  I have allowed myself to put a few school demands on the back burner. Fortunately, I was granted some grace with deadlines for my research/methodology class by my very understanding professors. The irony is that I have read more statistical, quantitative medical journals in the past two weeks than I care to count!  Now if only I could use them for my action research project… darn.  

I keep a few fight songs so on my brain and I know I will get through this – I don’t doubt that for a minute.  Right now, I am taking time to breathe and enjoy my health, family, and friends.  The other things can wait.  It has been a struggle and strange shift for me, but right now I want to talk, enjoy snow days, write, organize, and relax and I am allowing myself to do that. I’m also going to treat myself to a pink pedicure.  Cute toes are a must-have accessory.